the real reason thisorthat happened
by SapphoAndCyanide
Summary: pretty self explainitory.read it review it, it's short just to see if you like it. c'mon just read it, it's good so far... M just to be safe. Humor!chap 6 is in!
1. Default Chapter

The _real _reasons this-or-that happened.

Summary: Ever wonder why Prue _really _died? Or why their dad _really _left? If you have then this is the story for you. It's basically a list of reasons why this-or-that happened. It's M just to be safe.

Disclaimer: I do not own Charmed, or anyone from Charmed. In fact I own nothing! Come to think of it I _do _own Charmed. Wait no I don't, No I don't! Please don't sue!

Chapter 1: Why something didn't turn out this way…

Why Prue died instead of Piper:

Phoebe liked Piper more.

Phoebe wanted Prue's room.

Shax was supposed to kill _Dan_ but he got mixed up. (Must've been high)

Why Patty and Sam _really _gave up Paige…

Sam was drunk on the conception night.

Because they accidentally dropped her on her head. And nobody wants to deal w/ a brain-damaged baby.

Patty didn't wanna have to go through the hell she went through breast-feeding and changing her.

Why the Source chose Cole as the new Source…

Cole was the only one who could pull off the traditional black robe.

Cole bribed him by sending him a basket of mini muffins.

With Cole's eyes and Phoebe's hair that would be the hottest Source ever!

The Seer couldn't pronounce the name of the guy who was _supposed _to be the Source, Cole just came out easier.

The Seer said if they didn't she would bring Prue back.

Why the Elders _really _didn't want Piper and Leo to be together.

It's hard to say how hot someone is when her boyfriend is right there.

They didn't want to risk ending up with a blonde haired brown-eyed baby.

Leo supposedly had some untreatable STD's.

They'd be damned if they did and damned if they didn't.

The reason Chris _really _came back from the future.

Phoebe turned him down in the future; maybe she wouldn't if she didn't know whom he was. (Gross)

He wanted to see if Wyatt was right when he said Chris was an accident, he was right.

He thought Greg the Fireman was his dad, nope half witch half fruity Whitelighter.

How Grams _really _died…

A spell backfired and killed _her _instead of Prue, damn!

She heard there was an all-you-can-eat shrimp buffet in hell.

She was being hunted down by the FBI because of Tax Fraud; everyone knows you can't charge a dead woman. Her granddaughters are another story.


	2. And I care,why?

Alyssa Halliwell-Thanks

Ejquerrero23-Bite me

Alexywill22- I think I can manage all of those, thanks for the ideas.

Chapter 2- And I care, why?

Why did Prue date Jack?

Pity, pure and simple.

She wanted to prove to Phoebe that the crooked eye _didn't _turn guys off.

She flipped a coin, it turned up heads.

Why was Dan so annoying?

It was all the grease in his hair, cut off the oxygen to his brain.

For some reason he thought Piper _liked _greasy-haired annoying guys.

Because you just can't say 'pain in the ass.' without thinking about Dan.

Because he was related to Jenny.

What happened every time Leo and Cole were alone?

Cole died a little inside.

Leo did karaoke.

They…ehem…tried on their wives' clothes, but just for fun, they swear!

They answered the age old question; 'could you turn your living room into a swimming pool?' you can't by the way.

What did Bianca see in Chris?

Nothing, it was just out of pity, just like Prue.

If she didn't marry by midnight of her 28th birthday she would lose the kingdom. Damn marriage clause. Hee hee

She was brainwashed.

She went to the future and found out that she was gonna die because of him anyway, it was inevitable.

Why does Piper still put up with Phoebe?

She needed _someone _to be her human punching bag.

It was either her or Prue. You would've done the same thing.

If Phoebe was gone there would be nothing keeping Cole around, which means no more eye candy for Piper.

Because the bomb Piper planted in Phoebe's dinner last month isn't set to explode for another 5 weeks. Happy birthday Phoebe.

Why do the Elders wear those gold robes?

Elish designed them; jus be grateful they're not tank tops and track pants.

It was an unfortunate cross between Elvis and Liberatche.

It was either that, or polka dots.

It fits their God Complexions.

Why did 'They' turn Sam back into a Whitelighter?

You wouldn't want to deal with him either.

They figured they could tick off Patty by not letting him move on.

The writers forgot that they killed him in P3H20, Whoops.

What did Piper see in Dan?

He had an unlimited supply of Fruit Loops.

Geographical convenience

She wanted to make Phoebe jealous. All it really did was make Leo jealous.

I really don't know, Mr. Greasy is creepy!

Well there you go, chapter 2… hope I answered your questions… feel free to ask more, that counts for everyone, I'm out of ideas! REVIEW! I'm going to finish with a quote from Peter Griffin. (Family Guy)

Peter: You take the good you take the bad, you take the stuff in between and there you have…my opening statement. Sit Bobo sit, good dog."

Cya

Nicole


	3. Why? I'll tell ya why!

Kudos to all who reviewed. Kudos? Seriously, who says kudos anymore?

PiperLeoforever72- Thank you- thank you very much!

Alex- Oh- the gloves have _been _off my friend! Now the verbal abuse begins! Just kidding.

Halli-halliwell- why are you mad? I didn't do anything wrong! Thanks though!

And now Round 3 of my Charmed bashing!

Chapter 3-Why? I'll tell ya why!

Disclaimer- Talk to Alex- he says what I do and don't own.

Why did Prue really quite Bucklands?

Her true calling was photographing…porn. She just never made it there. Although she _did _have some very flattering picture of Cole hiding beneath her pillow, they're for sale on Ebay if you're interested.

Two words; Sexual Harassment.

She destroyed all the jobs she had to there. Time to spread the joy somewhere else!

Why did Prue really break up with Jack?

He had very small feet; you know what _that_ means!

Prue didn't realize Jack would be the last guy she was ever with.

Hello! Did you not see those _teeth_!

Let's just say; Prue found some pills in his medicine cabinet, we'll leave it at that.

How did Patty hide her pregnant belly?

It's just like on TV, she stuck a purse in front of it, or wore one of those ponchos.

Well… It's no secret that Patty's always been a little chubby…

She confined herself to the attic, eating nothing but the rats that shared the space. That's also why Paige is so pale.

There was always a conveniently placed table or chair.

Why did really Jenny leave?

Who cares? She's gone and that's all that matters!

The girl who played her got fired by Alyssa, just like Shannen.

Prue threatened to kill her in her sleep because of that long distance phone call to Saudi Arabia.

Because there really _is _a TV god.

Why did Kit really leave?

Phoebe dressed her in baby clothes.

Prue undressed in front of him, or her. (I think him.)

Piper tested out her new recipes on him.

One horrible word- Paige,

Why is Wyatt _special_? (Alex- I couldn't figure out that word.)

Because everyone was afraid he would have a small head like his dad, luckily not.

Because he was one out of over a billion sperm that made it. (Eww LOL!)

Because future Wyatt looks good with long and short hair, if that ain't special I don't know _what _is!

Because Piper said so.

Because he telepathically told his auntie Paige about her hairy upper lip.

Why did Victor really leave Patty?

He didn't, she left _him_.

If he had to eat one more of Grams' so-called 'meals' he was gonna jump off Golden Gate Bridge.

He left to start his own band; their first song was; "My wife's been shackin up with her Whitelighter!"

He tired sleepin in the same bed with Patty and Sam, it got creepy after awhile.

Why does Phoebe dress like a whore?

If she doesn't, who else will?

To see just how little she can wear before it's considered indecent; she crossed that line in; 'A Witches' Tail.'

Because Prue needs something _else_ to nag about, and Piper needs something _else_ to worry about.

Her philosophy is; "Less is more."

Hoped you liked! I'm having some writing issues but I'll get through it, so I'll have more ideas next chapter- Alex, more ideas please, anyone else who has ideas also….Now you review this sad piece of fanfiction…

Cya!


	4. Cuz i hate you!

Review time!

PunkRokPixie- FINALLY, someone other than Alex is participating, no offense Alex, anyway I know Leo doesn't have a small head, I was out of ideas, it just happened, sorry, and I don't understand one of your questions; 'why does Chris enjoy sailing?' what the hell does that mean! I can manage the others though.

Alex- Ok the ep is called 'Cat House', and I guess Kit was a boy cat but a girl human. Make sense? Wow, where DO you come up with all these questions, I have a feeling that they aren't gonna stop for awhile huh? Heh Heh, Grams, that's funny, I knew that would work!

Halli-halliwell- Can I just say, I think you need to get off the hash dude, seriously you're crazier then I am. But I'm gonna assume that the bite-sized fish you were talking about were Goldfish Crackers, if they weren't then you really are insane!

Chapter 4- Cuz I hate you

Why are they the Charmed Ones?

Because three deli clerks from Minnesota didn't sound as appealing.

Because I didn't do so well as Piper and Alex couldn't pull off a dress and heels.

Because if they hadn't Prue would've gone blonde,

Paige would've gotten a tan,

Piper would've been a Brunette Martha Stuart, and

Phoebe would've been a hooker in New York with 5 kids.

What does Cole do on the Astral Plane?

He's currently writing a book about his life called; 'I'm stuck in the Astral Plane so I'm writing this shity book, get me outta here!'

What do YOU think he's doing?

He's practicing his crazy laugh in case he ever sees Phoebe again. So far so good.

He's trying to steal cable, though he has yet to find a single plug, or TV.

Is Chris really Leo's?

If anyone asks he is.

No, the real father is Gideon.

Wow, that's all you can do for this one. Hmm

Why did Piper decide to marry Leo?

Dude, have you never seen Leo before!

Because Cole was already taken.

Because you can't bring back a warlock.

For love…HA HA, couldn't even say that with a straight face!

Why didn't Leo sleep with Phoebe?

It's Phoebe we're talking about, who hasn't slept with her!  
Leo was intimidated by the whip she had in the closet.

Because her price was too high

Because hoebe Some weird STD.

Why didn't Leo sleep with Prue?

How do you think she _really _died?

Because the crooked eye scared him

Because Prue was too worried about personal gain. (If you didn't get that then you must be studied.)

Why has Prue not been summoned?

Hey, I wouldn't have summoned her either.

Because Paige burned the summoning spell so she could take her place.

Because if they did then they might as well add an extra bedroom.

Because she's bound to show up sooner or later. She hasn't bitched at Phoebe and it _way_ overdue.

Why doesn't Grams get a life & stop popping in?

Remember the Necromancer? Yea well that was it.

Because she's old and dead.

Because she gets sick of hearing Patty say 'mother' in that accent. Which only proves that she couldn't be hers.

Because she's a hell of a lot better than Prue.

Was Prue really killed by Shax?

(See 'why Leo never slept w/ Prue.)

Yea, but only because she sold her soul for bag of Oreo's.

Two words; crooked-eye

Prue figured out the meaning of life, so she had to die.

Why do we hate Phoebe's hair?

Because we hate change and that's clearly all she had when she got it cut!

Because we realized that beauty really _is _everything.

Because she looked like a _guy_!

Why did Paige really move in with them?

Because she was too afraid to stay by herself after her parrot died.

Because she was 6 months overdue in rent.

Because she met Cole.

Because if she didn't, Phoebe would've killed her, just like Prue.

Guess that's it, sorry guys, short I know, I just hope you like it! You know the drill!

Cya

Nicole


	5. no more bitesize fish!

Halli-halliwell- ya we get BBC, I don't like it though…wow that really sucks. We don't have to suffer like that. LOL

Alex- Where do you come up with these ideas!

Chapter 5- No more bitesize fish!

Why did Chris really make Leo into an Elder?

He wanted Piper for himself…wait, what?

Because it's Chris, he had to screw _something_ up!

Because he was trying to protect him from me. Mwhahaha!

He made a deal with Prue; If he sent Leo up there then she would give him the key to Phoebe's room…ok.

Why hasn't Paige killed Phoebe yet?

Because that would involve doing something physical, and probably going into the sun.

Because that's Piper's job.

She tried, haven't you noticed how Phoebe's getting thinner and thinner everyday, soon she'll snap in two.

If she did, then who would she make fun of?

What did Patty see in Sam?

She was drunk; he was drunk it's all very complicated.

Cosmic Taxi

She just wanted to make Victor jealous.

How does Freebie really pass those exams?

You've seen how she dresses, you tell me.

She studies….HA, yea right!

She just colors in the dots in the shape of a smiley face. Thank you short attention span.

She got the answers by sleeping w/ her teacher, duh!

What happened to the pic of Piper, Phoebe, and Prue?

Piper cut out Prue and put Paige there.

They threw it away, just like all of Prue's other stuff.

Paige uses it as I target to throw darts at.

They had to burn it. Prue's crooked eye was starting to scare Wyatt.

What would Prue say if she met Sheridan?

"Hey, you pick on my sisters, nobody likes you, and you have no life outside of your job; kinda reminds me of someone I know." Lol

"You're not by any chance related to a_ Jack _Sheridan are you?"

(She pulls off Sheridan's blonde wig.) "Omigod, Jack!"

Why haven't they celebrated Prue's or Phoebe's birthdays?

You know the saying; First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the big ol' chest!

Why haven't they celebrated Leo's or Paige's birthday yet?

They don't know what they're supposed to get for a 50 somethin' year old ghost.

They don't know what they're supposed to get for someone who _looks _like a ghost.

They do; it's just not very interesting.

If they got a clown they wouldn't be able to tell the difference between Paige and the clown! (Ok that was weird…)

Why has Prue never popped in?

Why would she want to? She's free now!

She slept with Cole and still has not called him back.

That's Grams' job.

Because she's got Andy up there.

Because there's a lot of musty old antiques that have to be appraised up there, Yippie! (not)

That's it….it was short. So now go review and stuff.

Cya!

Nicole!


	6. Oh nag nag, your needs

Chapter 6- Oh nag, nag, your needs.

Why did Phoebe live in New York?

That's where the prostitutes make the most money.

If she stayed she would've had to help pay for Grams' funeral.

Let's see, New York with a bunch of hot straight guys or San Francisco with a bunch of hot gay guys?

Why did Paige wait so long to contact the Halliwells?  
Why do today what you can put off till tomorrow? Or after the oldest sister dies?

She didn't want Piper to know that she had been stalking them at P3.

Because she was hoping for a second that her mom was Cher.

If Leo's spyed on them their whole lives, how come he never mentioned Paige?

(The real reason) Because Leo didn't even know about Paige, remember?

Then who would he have to spy on while they were in the shower?

Because it's called the 'Power of _Three_' not the 'Power of Three Plus One.'

Why ruin a good thing.

He met Paige once, and he didn't want that freak in the family.

What happened to Dan after he left?

He got thrown in jail and now gets human booster shots from a guy named Molly.

He's still trying to find proof that Leo is a fraud.

He moved to Saudi Arabia.

He was standing near a fire and his greasy hair caught fire, his body was burnt beyond recognition.

Why does Prue really squint?

She's as blind as a bat, she's just too damn proud to get glasses.

Because Brad Kern didn't realize her eyes were crooked.

Because flipping people off to use her power just seemed a little harsh.

How Many of the sister's guys has Grams slept with?

There are too many to count.

54, she married one of them, he was her 6th husband.

The real question is; how many of them _hasn't _she slept with?

Basically all of them from the time they were in High School, except Jeremy, seeing how she was dying in all.

Do you mean _before _or _after _she died? Lol

What other kinds of magical freaks have Piper dated?

There was a Leprechaun.

A Werewolf, who she thought just had a hair problem.

An Ogre, who she thought just had a hygiene problem.

A vampire, who she thought just was allergic to garlic and was friends with Paige.

A Wizard, who she thought, was just _really _obsessed with Lord of the Rings.

A Wood Nymph…it was her curious phase during college.

What other demeaning ways to die did the producers have in mind for Shannen?

She could've tripped down the stairs.

Someone could've tricked her into eating chocolate. (She's allergic to chocolate.)

She could've fell down an elevator shaft. (Always a classic.)

She could've been thrown through a wall. Oh wait, she was!

She could've been hit by a garbage truck.

She could've been thrown into a cabinet.

She could've walked into my house and said 'Charmed Sucks'

Why does Chris really hate Leo?

Because Leo took him to a gay strip club for his 18th birthday. He just assumed…

Because when he was born he accidentally cut something _else_ instead of the umbilical cord.

Because Leo didn't support his 'Street Mime' phase.

Because Leo showed him the tape of his and Piper's honeymoon to explain the birds and the bees.

Because when he was 10 Leo and Wyatt put his hand in a bowl of warm water at his slumber party.

Because Wyatt got a big mythical sword and he didn't.

Why does Daryl continue to let the sisters, and his wife, boss him around?

Because…(Sniffle) That was Andy's job. (Cry.)

Because he realized that Piper had the ability to blow him up, Paige could orb him into a volcano, Phoebe could scratch his eyes out, Prue could TK him into a wall, and his wife could make him sleep on the couch.

Because he's too darn stupid to just stick up for himself.

Ok that was short but I hope you liked it. I'm trying update fast cuz I'm goin to Dallas Texas on Thursday. Fun fun!

Cya!

Nicole!


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